Current mood:	...later
Current music:	secret weapons - bumps

the handy whorehole diaries.
eh. laziness isn't all it's smacked-up to be.

i stole this from someone. but it was long. so i cut out the bits i didn't like. just like i do with a boyfriend.

1. what did you do in 2003 that you'd never done before? that whole relationship thing you kids are always talking about. dominatrix shoes for day. heckled anti-fur activists. full anal. girls. mutual masturbation on public transport.
4. did anyone close to you die? they're all dead inside anyway. but in reality robert palmer.
6. what would you like to have in 2004 that you lacked in 2003? holbein shoulders.
9. what was your biggest failure? wow. applying for university later than i intended. leaving home, and coming back within a fucking month. only now realising perhaps i had something to do with my relationship breaking down. but also failing to realise the boy i loved was a cunt.
11. what was the best thing you bought? dior homme leather tie. the gibo.
15. what did you get really, really, really excited about? superficial crap. culottes. chicks on speed. vivienne westwood - again. applying for college. falling in love and getting bruised. but maybe it doesn't matter. i got excited about everything.
17. compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? i don't know. older.
ii. thinner or fatter? fucking chicken-skeleton-in-a-condom bitches.
iii. richer or poorer? poor. but well-heeled.
19. what do you wish you'd done less of? hatin'. time-wastin'. i also wish i'd said 'thursday' in a patsy-voice far more often.
22. did you fall in love in 2003? …maybe not.
25. do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? hah. yes.
27. what was your greatest musical discovery? goldfrapp, after everyone else. my heart was won when alison appeared on childrens television in the uk in a black slit-to-the-tit skirt-suit, whipping herself with a riding crop. at 9am. on a sunday. hot shit.
she's less synthesier, more sympathiser. the only collaboration alison does is with the ss.
29. what did you want and not get? a westwood clint eastwood jacket and bondage trousers.
33. how would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2003? fascistically-tailored power-dressage. stiletto in the ghetto. milosev-chic. wrench up the sleeves and p-pump up the volume.
34. what kept you sane? people i didn't realise i could count on, and won't easily forget.
cynicism. and alcohol.
39. tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2003: medectophobia : fear of the contour of one's penis being visible through clothing.
40. quote a song lyric that sums up your year: when you're twenty-one, you're no fun.

to recap:
birthday
crappy. i wished i hadn't done anything. it feels like the end of my life.
i am not taking this well at all.
new years eve
i walked to a party. in snow. in stilettos and jer'my scott $$$-brocade.
well, i got twenty feet and then went back home and changed into something more practical, but the spirit was there. and i changed back at the party.
wasted pictures.

</a> </a>

i was very drunk. i made someone vomit in a glass so i could throw it over someone else.
suffice to say, i was punched.

but it's okay, black and blue are the new black.
and queer-bashing is totally in for fall 004.
i don't know about you, but i'll be punching myself repeatedly in the face to get that look.

brian</font> telling me he has seen me in a magazine in l.a. just about made my year.
i reached my peak in the first week. besides the rhyme, that cannot be good.

the UCurSe</font> form is finally finished. i actually applied to college.
i have been unconditionally accepted by goldsmiths</font> without interview, bitches, and unconditionally rejected by the london college of fashion.
which is exactly the reverse of what i thought. still, the application doesn't even get sent to st. martins until 16th february.
which is what really matters.
but i may die of suspense before then.

i spent far too much on far too few clothes.
but this is the chic shit.
</a> </a>
god i love it i may just sell a lung and keep it.
to reiterate - i really cannot afford this right now. thus tags still attached.

anyway, resolutions:
. SAVE UP FOR COLLEGE. even if it means taking back the perfect jacket.
.don't cut my hair again until after my college interview.
.more shoes. never accept less than a three-inch heel.
.write.
.i am going to own a balenciaga lariat.
wave goodbye to £700. but perfect for battering my way into the curt.ure.
.down with love.
.down with lube.*
.be good.

*speaking of which, in london, they sell lubricant next to baby-food in supermarkets. this disturbs me.
although i guess if they're out of lube you can always use mushed carrots.
add colour to your life. and your wife.

i went out. they played 'showroom dummies' by kraftwerk. i ask for nothing more.

i think this whole wack-jacko boob-slash-paedophile thing is a ruse to launch the reunited jackson five.
or maybe a remake of diff'rent strokes. they could black-up the guy who played mini-me in austin powers to play arnold.
two down. get ready for latoya up a clocktower.

love
alex

styleophile:
FUCKMAN it's worth having my ears pierced so i can wear one of these bastards</font> janet-jackson-rhythm-nation-1814 style.

</a>
the only way to wear a brooch this season. EMBEDDED IN A BICEP.

oh. and get this</font>.